Day 71 from France: In Transit

Shaboom sends us her update from Paris...

**note** I was a bit in a rush yesterday when I was posting, so here's what happened with the mugging and everything...

When I woke up this morning, I was in a lot of pain. I thought it was due to last night's strange swollen bug bite. That was part of it but I think the real issue was WE HAVE HAD NO PHONE OR INTERNET in the house for the last 2-3 days and now I'm down an iPhone and my computer is broken. What am I going to do? I'm totally cut off from the world!!

PS - The Apple Store at the Louvre is gorgeous - here's a photo I borrowed from the internets.

*i did not take the above photo*

I have been nagging Obsessed! like a good housewife for the last few days. "You need to call our phone company slash internet provider and get to the bottom of this internet snafu! I'm leaving the country and I have a lot of things I need to accomplish before then! I cannot be incommunicado. This is absolutely unacceptable!"

I was so bitchy slash obnoxious slash annoying that I surprised even myself. Then I started my period. A-ha! It all makes sense. And although the monthly reminder of soonyou'llbeunmarriedat40andstillhavenokids
is usually bittersweet, this month I'm just bitter. And in a lot of pain. My days of being secretly on the pill are over as it's kind of hard to replenish a secret stash of birth-control when you're afraid the doctor or pharmacist will tell on you. (Obsessed! can be very charming.)

I went to choir rehearsal and felt really hot and dizzy the whole time. I don't know if it's the mysterious bug bite or what. Obsessed! said he'd pick me up from rehearsal so I didn't have to take the train alone at night. I was freezing cold and sat on the sidewalk like a beggar waiting for 45 minutes for him to show up before I decided to blow that popsicle stand. I checked my email from my iPhone to see if he had written... normally when he's late there are a handfull of "I'm on my way... traffic... accident... be there in 5 minutes" type messages. NOTHING. So I left. If I would have just gotten on the train in the first place, I would have already by home. I was annoyed.

So instead of getting on the train at 9:36pm, I was getting on at 10:36pm and I was pissed. I normally ride sandwiched in with the New Dehli crew as they always travel in groups of about 6 and are very respectful. They don't touch you, they don't talk to you and if you squeeze into one of the empty seats in the groupings of 8, most people assume you're with the Indian guys and they leave you alone. My New Dehli crew must've been on the 9:36 train because there were 40 people in the train car but no Indians ...and no other women.

Halfway home, a guy grabbed my bag and took off just before the train doors closed. I got mugged. No more iPhone. Luckily I still had my passport.

The other passengers were like, "Did he just steal your bag?! CALL THE POLICE!"

Hi. I have no phone. I'm stuck behind closed doors on a moving train. How in the hell am I supposed to call the police? With telepathy?!?!?

I spent the last few hours of an already shitty day at the police station filling out reports and using their phone to desperately call Obsessed! so I wouldn't have to walk all the way home alone in the middle of the night with my kaputski computer and no phone. No answer.

After 20+ calls to his cell and home numbers, I gave up. I made a deal with one of the officers to get a ride from them when the next shift change brought back some of the patrol vehicles. Luckily, I left Obsessed! a message because he finally ended up coming to the station to get me.

As it turns out, he had arrived to pick me up from rehearsal at 10:45pm - um, hi. An hour and 15 minutes late. Apparently, I am not the only person in Paris getting good at the whole French being late thing. When he didn't see me at the rehearsal space, he assumed I had gotten cold and was waiting in a neighborhood café. He scoured all the cafés around but couldn't find me. He didn't think to check his email where I'd sent a message informing him that I was sick of waiting and needed to get home to pack.

When he got back to the house, he was surprised that I wasn't there but figured I'd come along shortly. He probably dilly-dallied around for awhile, doing whatever he does when he's not smoking the haschish, and eventually got in the shower. You all know he's capable of brushing his teeth for 30 minutes straight, so just imagine how long his showers are.

When he was done in the bathroom, and I wasn't in the bedroom, he went up to Mali and asked if I'd come home yet. Mali said no but the phone rang a bunch. Obsessed! asked him who it was and what they wanted. Mali said he hadn't answered the phone.

Obsessed! ran down to Vapors and woke her up at 2 in the morning asking if she had seen me. She said no but the phone rang a bunch. Obsessed! asked her who it was and what they wanted. Vapors said she hadn't answered the phone. Frustrated, Obsessed! decided to check the messages and thereby realized I was at the police station. He was confused as to why I would waste my time with the Police when I supposedly had so much to do before leaving. What did he think I was doing there? Having aperitifs?!?!

It never occurred to him that something had happened so imagine how bad he feels now that he realizes how my night played out.

Fun times.