Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 7 from Burbank: The Weigh In

Warning: Naughty language. In other words, if your name is Mom or Sandra, don't read any further. I know I'm not fooling anyone but I really want you to think better of me.

My incredibly smart and wonderful friend, Lisa, gently suggested I actually weigh myself for this experiment. Crazy right?

I had to buy a new scale because I knew my old scale weighed a smidgen light. Just like a good friend, my old scale lied a bit to make me feel better and if I leaned a little to the right it lied a little more.

My friend, Kim, would come over, weigh herself and then say "Is this scale right? Because if so, I have lost weight!" Kim's a fitness trainer and enjoys weighing herself. If I had her body I would run around naked all the time.

I picked out the pretty digital scale.
Brought it home.
Weighed myself on the old one and then on the new one.

It's calibrated to 10 pounds more than my old friend scale.

This is where I start to spin out. All the blood has drained out of my head and Hubby asks me what the scale said. I tell him it said to mind your own business. I throw on my baggy sweats, tennis shoes, and throw my fat hair in a scrunchie. Yes I said scrunchie. It might as well all come out. I have a secret stash of them and we'll have to get to that later I've got bigger problems. I start to head out the door to do stairs. I have to do 80 flights of stairs since I missed yesterday. And GOD KNOWS I can't afford to miss a day!

I'm angry, upset at "WH@$% OF A SCALE!" (okay at me) and visualizing myself on the "Biggest Loser" in a sports bra and underwear, standing in front of the panel. They're saying "So you decided to LOSE weight by eating croissants, crepes and ice cream?"
I pause to call my friend Dishee. This is the best she can come up with: "Well, at least it's not bathing suit season yet." I hang up.
I call my mom. She suggests I go dumpster diving and get old scale back. I hang up.
Shaboom calls because my email has her worried.
Lisa is concerned because I have never ever used that kind of language since she's known me.

I head out the door and my 3 year old starts crying because he wants to do stairs with me. I look beseechingly at Hubby. He tries to distract but it doesn't work.

This is what I would have missed if I had not taken him with me.

"Here's a flower for you, Momma, so you can look beautiful."

This is the part where my heart shatters into little pieces.

I'm standing there, a frumpy, tired, sad, scrunchie wearing mom and yet in this little guy's eyes I'm beautiful. He doesn't care what that WH@$# OF A SCALE! said. Why should I? What the heck's the matter with me? I start focusing in on his adventure and we have an amazing time. Life is good. Everyone is healthy. There are people out there with REAL problems. I'm a lucky, lucky person.

I think my heart is starting to learn something I didn't expect from this experiment.

Annnnnnnnnd I'm Back!

The bad news.
I need to lose 35 pounds to be French Skinny.

The good news.
Week 1
I've lost 3 pounds

(Don't get too excited. I'm 5'9 and can gain or lose 3 pounds in a day with a plate of Mexican food and a glass of water.)


  1. You are always beautiful.

    My scale is sort of slutty but the scale at my doctor's office is a filthy wh#@*-bag.

  2. That scale is really to cute to stand on, isn't it? Shouldn't you just stand NEXT to it and guesstimate?

  3. does your new scale do the BMI thing, too? i hate that part! :)

  4. set it to kilos and you'll weight double digits. it's somewhat liberating even if it's only smoke and mirrors.

  5. It was weighing the muscle you have gained from the stairs. Trust me, you are 3 inches smaller!

  6. Thanks Everybody!

    Wendi, I think WH@$# of a scale (that's her name this week) knows she's pretty has a total attitude. She's made of glass and I told her if she doesn't change her attitude I'm going to introduce her to Mr. Sledgehammer.

    Tish, WH@#$ of a scale doesn't do the BMI thing. I don't think I could take that.

    Shaboom, I'm looking that up right now in my Scale Directions manual.....For the love of......

    TheBunny, I'm going to hang on to your words and persevere!