Monday, March 1, 2010

Day 1 from France: Le Debut
(The Beginning)

Shaboom sends me her daily rundown:

11am: Rise and shine! Immediately, the Frenchman starts chatting away. He has just brought me a pot of tea in bed, therefore, I pretend to be interested.

11:30am: …still chatting. I am meanwhile practicing meditation without him noticing.

Noon: …still chatting. Actively ignoring such high volumes of chatter has to burn a lot of calories, right? Oh, oh, now he’s touching me… well, at least the chatting stopped. His mouth is otherwise occupied.

1pm: Okay, enough with the foreplay, getting on with business.

1:20pm: And… he’s done.

1:25pm: …and he’s asleep.

1:50pm: I fell asleep 5 minutes later. What are you gonna do?! But I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed my little 20 minute power nap.

2pm: HUGE Croque Madame (grilled ham and cheese with a fried egg)
link to recipe

2:30pm: Groan. Ate too much. But Obsessed! has miraculously not broken any glassware yet today, nor has he dropped or lost anything. YET. So all is well.

Shaboom, I just went on a calorie counting site to do the math on the sex. You are going to have to be a little more specific. LOL

Vigorous 102 calories per hour
Moderate 88 calories per hour
Passive 68 calories per hour

As with most sessions, the man seems to do most of the work. Unless I'm on top. Which I wasn't this morning. So I'd say moderate.

I just told my husband that we have to sleep in until 11:00, he has to bring me a pot of tea and then make love to me for an hour..... He shouldn't be laughing that hard.

2:30-4:00pm: Went up and down the stairs a lot to do dishes as laundry (as those machines are in the basement and we live in a 3-story house.) Ate an apple.

Can you be more specific? How many times do you go up and down and how many stairs per floor? I know. I'm a freak.

I’ve gone up and down at least 10 times so far today. 18 stairs per floor.

*My first clue. 30 flights of stairs per day.*

4-8pm: Shopping with Obsessed! (see previous post.) Kill me.

8pm: Just ate half a baguette with a spicy cream-cheese like tapanade from Greece or Lebanon or something.

We made flan aux oeufs which I think Americans just call Flan. It takes 3 hours to bake. I think that is a huge waste of time and resources as I am not a flan fan. But whatever. I ate about 5 spoonfuls to make Obsessed! happy.

We then started making crêpes in mass quantity with the goal of freezing prepared dinner crêpes that can be pulled out and heated up at any time, even if Obsessed! isn’t home. (Because you know the rest of us simply didn’t eat at all until our mid-30s when he came into our lives.)

9pm: Ate a turkey breast, some steamed broccoli, more baguette with a cheese spread like Boursin (called Rondelé.) For dessert, 125 grams of cherry yogurt.

How much of the baguette?

18-24 inches of baguette.

11pm: lemon butter crêpe link to recipe

midnight: ½ a Nutella crêpe and a few bites of the turkey leek mushroom cheese crêpe

So the no breaking anything streak was as short as it was sweet. Obsessed! broke an entire carton of eggs at the store. Most of us, if we have the great misfortune of dropping the eggs, usually find one or two of them broken after we’ve picked them up and opened the carton. Nope, not Obsessed! He dumped all 12 out onto the floor directly in front of the cashier. I said, “You must see that all the time, huh?!” She replied, “No, no. I’ve never seen that before in the 25 years I’ve worked here. Huh-uhn.”

An hour later he caught a dishtowel on fire. Awesome.

So far Obsessed! has spilled a glass of milk, the crêpe batter, the béchamel sauce ...pretty much all the ingredients at one point or another. So frustrating. Additionally, he's probably used every single pot and pan and spatula in this house. Everything is dirty. The kitchen is pure chaos. And he's actually been cleaning somewhat along the way. Picture the classic mothers day kitchen scenes from the movies where dad and the toddlers do something " nice" for mommy.

2am; ½ a Nutella and coconut crêpe

All in all today, I smoked 3 cigarettes and drank 2 litres of Earl Grey tea, black.

4:30am – I thought we were ready to pass out. Um, guess again.

6am – 1.25 hours of great sex. Moderate caloric burn as again, I was not on top. 20 minutes of that was the actual sex part, the rest foreplay.



  1. Let's send Ringo and Jack to Paris. I could use a moderate mid-day do, and a midnight crepe binge. I'd be skinny as a pin.

  2. And they can bring back some new clothes and a fabulous red bag for us!

  3. Wow. Sounds like she eats a lot. I did notice that she eats almost every couple of hours.